To Those That Don't Understand, It's Spelt 'DEPRESSION'

"Let it go." "Get over it." "Move on with life." "I don't like the change in you." "Just think happy thoughts."

I've heard my fair share of comments. The comments are fair and spoken from well-intended motives. The people are sincere and trying their best to nudge me along.

But they got it all wrong.

I often dismissed this form of positive-emphaty as being the inability of the commenter to understand the true nature of the condition that has gripped me. For in all fairness, only those who suffer would know how it truly feels.

It's spelt DEPRESSION and here are some points a care-giver should know:

1. 
   
   Understand the condition and then the person. It is a condition the sufferer may not fully comprehend themselves (I sure did not) and in most cases, they do not know why they are in the condition they are in. So do your homework. Study the condition and use that knowledge as a platform for reaching out.
   
   


2. 
   
   
   
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     Depression: Beyond Serotonin
     
     
   
   
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     The Evolutionary Reason for Depression
     
     
   
   
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     Exploring The Links Between Depression, Writers and Suicide
     
     
   
   
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     The Cantopher Document
     
     
   
   
   
   


3. 
   
   Stress. Stress plays a key role in the on-set of a depressive spiral. We all face stress in some measure through out our lives. Unfortunately, the sufferer has lost or lack the mechanism to handle stress. DO NOT add to the stress they are already facing. Stress could come in the form of a simple question such as, "Why are you feeling this way?" Yes, finding the answer to why is stressful. DO NOT push them over-the-edge by unnecessary questions and fact-finding activities.
   
   


4. 
   
   Trauma. An overwhelming blast of stress causes trauma and this broke the brains natural ability to cope and thus begins the onset of depression. Studies have shown that exposure to a traumatic experience in early child-hood makes the brain hypersensitive to stress which contributes to the onset of depression in adults. Understanding the traumatic experience in the life of the sufferer will help. In some cases, it was a series of traumatic and stressfull incidences that hit the individual at the same time that caused the depressive spiral.
   
   


5. 
   
   Personality Change. Understand that once depression has set in, the person's personality and character has change. They will not be the same person, you once knew. Why? The body compensates and adapts itself to the new condition. The body is trying its best to cope. These changes are in itself, confusing to the sufferer. Don't stress them out by pointing out the change, instead accept it and allow the sufferer the space to reconfigure themselves to their new state. In some cases, the changes do not stick and the sufferer reverts back but in some, these changes are permanent.
   
   


6. 
   
   Walk with us. I cannot emphasis more on the importance of this point. Walk with the sufferer. Don't merely say, "I understand." but instead add, "We'll walk through this together." There is a deep sense of hopelessness and loneliness in the sufferer. Leaving them alone or on their own enforces this prevalent feelings. Most sufferers commit suicide, not because they are stupid or attention-seeking, but rather because they want the pain to end. If you are sincere and genuine, walk the talk. Don't just say you want to help but be the help. If a care-giver does not owe up to what they say, it would merely push the sense of hopelessness and loneliness deeper into the sufferer's psyche. Walk with us, show us that someone cares and trust me; change can happen.
   
   


7. 
   
   Antidepressants. I am NOT an advocate of this form of treatment. Why? To me, it merely mask the condition. It represses the condition into a dormant state and really doesn't help the sufferer. In all the readings, I've read; I've come to the conclusion that antidepressants do not cure the condition. It merely brings it down to a manageable state. Problem with that is, without the antidepressants, the condition may return with a vengence.
   
   

Once broken, can this be fixed?

I am incline to say, NO.

The scars are buried deep in the psyche and mind. The brain has changed and this is not something that can be fixed that easily. Yet, there is hope. The brain is a wonderfully flexible organ and it can re-wire itself to work-round the handicap. A sufferer can start these processes along but they cannot do it on their own. They need care-givers around them to help them along, until the brain has rewired itself, well enough for the sufferer to manage on their own.

This is a plea for all to understand because only through understanding can one help to beat down this condition. For sufferers, I know it's hard but we too need to understand as best as possible what we suffer from.

Sun Tzu wrote, " It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle."

Understand this condition called DEPRESSION, understand yourself and we can win this battle.

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The Best Thing About Depression

Being depressive is not all doom and gloom. There is a bright side to it and it basically explains why writers (afflicted with depression) seem to be successful at their craft.

In a survey led by the neuroscientist Nancy Andreasen, 30 writers from the Iowa Writers' Workshop were interviewed about their mental history. Eighty percent of the writers met the formal diagnostic criteria for some form of depression. A similar theme emerged from biographical studies of British writers and artists by Kay Redfield Jamison, a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins, who found that successful individuals were eight times as likely as people in the general population to suffer from major depressive illness.

Article: The Evolutionary Reason for Depression

This helps me understand myself better. I've always been a thinker and I guess, thinking is what I do best, though at times; I've been advised not to think too much. Yet, through my ruminations; I've learnt to comprehend my universe better.

In this article and the in the article it referenced - Depression Upside [The New York Times]; it suggests that depression may be a good thing after all. This goes against all that we believe about depression. Depression and sadness are all part of our personalities as human beings and thus, have their place in our development as individuals.

So the point is, to make the best of what you are and this involves using our sadness and depression to become the best we are.

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A diary can help develop your writing

Keeping a diary supports personal development.

I have kept a diary since I was twelve years old. During my already mentioned sabbatical in the year 2000, besides the many things I completed, I also found more time for diary writing.


My handwriting has deteriorated into such a scrawl over the years, with whole sections-written down during excited periods-too difficult to decipher, that I switched from writing in handwritten journals to typing on my laptop. I do use the diary to go back and reread certain passages, to see what my thinking was, and, most importantly, to discover things I feel need changing: When I have repeatedly described a circumstance or character trait of mine that I dislike, I eventually wind up doing something about it.

Source: Keeping a Diary Supports Personal Development

I came across Stefan Sagmeister's blog when reading through Gina Trapani article on LifeHacker and cannot agree more.

It is always good to keep a notebook around to record down the things that come to mind, Christopher Schanck said it well when he blogged, "Methods of Work: It Didn't Happen If You Didn't Write It Down."

Keeping a diary requires some effort but rewarding. It allows us to explore our own emotions and thoughts, helps us develop our voice and allow us to have a mirror into our view point of the world around us.

A diary may take the form of a notebook or written into a journaling software on your notebook or in the form of a blog. The main point is to use it as a tool to develop your writing. It also helps you keep track of your growth as a writer.

It is not uncommon for a writer to be surprised by their own writings. To exclaim, "Did I really write that?" and take pride in the fact, that you have grown.

Give it a try, start writing a diary. Who knows? That diary could be the next best seller.

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There's a story in every moment

You can sit on a plane or at a (boring) meeting and there may be a story lying in wait. All you have to do is turn, smile and talk to those around you. Every one has a story, has a phrase that sticks, has a tale to tell and places they've been. All you need to do is turn, smile and start talking. Do not be afraid to strike up a conversation with the ones near you. And above all, after asking, listen to what they have to tell and take note. You never know when that phrase would seem appropriate when you are writing conversation or laying down a plot.

There's a story in every moment.

Too many times we try too hard to fomulate a great story. We labour over ideas that HAVE to be spectacular, mind blowing and out of this world. We fashion large words and create outlandish worlds to plant our single dimensional characters.

But stop and talk to those you meet on the bus or a plane or sitting at a coffee shop and you'll gain a wealth of stories. Real stories with real people, living real lives with real problems and moving in real time. You then take on the role of scribe and thus, chronicle the lives of everyday people. It doesn't have to be outlandish or spectacular, just honest and true.

Try it. talk to someone and listen to the story, yet untold.

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Talent is crucial to good writing...sorry PERFECT writing.

I've met a lot of people who have express their desires to write. Their eyes light up when I tell them I write in my spare time, have a book out and regularly get my articles published on online newspapers and political opinionated websites in Malaysia. Glossy eye and spunky about the idea that people would read their writings they pursue the road I took. But not all roads are meant to be travelled by a bandwagon of wannabe writers.

My path to writing is unique to me. For everyday I spend writing, I had several years of practice. I did not get here by mere chance. I had to sweat it out and develop my own style and voice. I took to blogging in 2003 to better my writing skills. I needed to learn how to connect with an audience, write in words that inspire and move people and what better way than through blogging. From there I joined a writing group and practiced my writing there. I've written a short play and it was produced during my college days, written some really bad songs that are only worthy for my shower, poetry has been a dabble of mine since school days and only in the last two years have I seriously written short stories and full length features.

It took time and that is something all writers (good writers) have to go through. It takes time to polish one's skills. There's no shortcuts to being a good writer but if you want to be a PERFECT writer than you need Talent.

Let me say this over and over again. You need Talent to begin with. Some have it, some may not and this means not everyone is cut out to be a writer. Yes, you may have good writing skills but are you a storyteller? Can you capture the attention of an audience?

I learnt the traits of capturing the attention of the audience in my college days when I was part of the theatre group. I took to the stage and was a natural at it. From there I move on to writing for stage and essentially that's where I learnt my strong point when it comes to writing stories - dialogue. The scene plays in my head like a play and I'm the omnipresent observer jotting down the details that I see. That's my Talent. This is why I can write.

I met this wannabe writer who wrote a management book and he wanted to branch out into fiction. I read his draft and I told him to stick to writing management books. And he had the knack to tell me he lack creativity. How can you write fiction without being creative?

Talent is inherent in all writers. They write because that is the only thing they can do. We write because the moment you put a pen/keyboard before us, we start fidgeting and all rile up. We want to express ourselves, we want to tell the world what we see in our minds eye. We are picky about words and sentences and prose and how someone would say something. We listen in on conversations at coffee shops and watch people go about life, taking notes of what's going on. We are loners and thinkers and philosophers and emotional wrecks (after a good movie) and all the while we want to write it down.

Talent is crucial to PERFECT writing. You either have it or not. I hate to bust your bubble but clearly, if your friends tell you your writing is like S*#T then please take up another hobby. Fishing or kite flying or planting roses. Anything else except writing a novel and thinking you'll make a million out of it. Honestly, I don;t write for the money. I write because all my life I knew I would write and I just want people to hear what I have to say.

Have a reality check and ask yourself whether you've got TALENT to write.

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Stick to what you know best - 3 Tips for writers.

I am of the opinion that it is always best for one-self to understand their strengths and play to them to the fullest. In writing this translate to the fact, authors need to write within the sphere of their understanding. Meaning, choose your genre, choose your market and understand your own reading taste.

Choose Your Genre


There are a hundred and one different genres to choose from and I bet you will find one that suit your writing style. Each genre has a style of it own, reading Nicholas Evans and Nicholas Sparks tell me that both have a way of tugging at your heart strings and both write in the same genre. Take Stephen King and you see he writes in his genre and his style is suited to it. I cannot imagine Stephen King writing in the same genre as Nicholas Sparks but I reckon it is possible but really weird. Stephen King would be too crude and too direct in showing the movement of emotions and feelings. I would bet most of his characters would be deemed angry people with little feelings of affection towards one another. So look at your style and choose your genre. Not everyone can write a novel, so maybe your genre falls in the motivational writing section rather than romance. Give it a thought.

Choose Your Market


If you're writing for money then aim for the market that sells. Self-help books, children's book, educational books, billboard advertising, etc...whichever would draw in the money. But if you're writing for writing sake than you can pick out the one's with least competition but with potential to be your own private niche. My friends asked me why write in English when the market is so small (almost non-existent) in Malaysia. Why not write in the national language, Bahasa Malaysia? Firstly, I only think in English and though I can write in Bahasa Malaysia, it will probably turn out to be so formal and with enough emotion as a dry prune. I rather write in english and be among the select few who publish in english in Malaysia and the key thing is...I may be the only one publishing in my genre. Yes, I am in direct competition with imported titles but somewhere along the line, national pride will kick in and people would support their local writers.

Understand Your Reading Taste


We write what we like to read. Repeat that with me, "I write what I like to read." Yes, we mimic those that have gone before us and we do it well. Let's be honest, somewhere along the road; you told yourself, "I can write like this." So, you pulled up your sleeves and bit your lips and pounded away a story about a fly that irritated this girl so much, she burnt down the fire-station much in the same way Carrie did in Stephen King's - Carrie, when she burnt down the school and wreck half the town. We write what we read. So read as much as you want but know that your writing WILL BE influence by what you like best. Even if that means reading billboards for a living.

So stick to what you know best. If you know how to sharpen pencils to the max than write about sharpening pencils or sharping chopsticks into weapons of mass destruction ala a Ian Fleming - James Bond thriller. I'm floating this idea of red and black fingernails in my head, you never know it could turn out into the next best seller (in my wildest dreams).

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The Root of Passionate Writing

I read Vroom's comment to my article "The 3 Essential Things Never Taught at Writing Workshops" and I appreciate the raw honesty in it and the question posed caused me to think. Here's the comment in full:

what if, just what if.. i had the passion to write couple of years ago.. and it disappeared one day, in which i am unable to write like i used to, the passion 'ran away..' is there anyway i can help myself get over this phase? cause seriously i love writing i love writing more than playing basketball or watch soccer/football! even though the poems i written were depressing because of how i used to feel and i kind of got over the depressing days i didn't like how depressing they were.. any suggestions?

Passion grows from within and different people exhibit passion towards different things whether in-material or material, an object, a person or even an idea. People are naturally passionate beings, we are hardwired by the Creator in such a manner. I believe the passion never 'ran away', I believe the passion is still there but you have put a cap on it and boxed it.

I asked myself this question, as I was writing my first book and even when I'm working on my second one now, "Why are you doing this?" in crude words, "Why write?"

Why write in the first place? Why bother? Why slave away in the wee moments just to get a sentence right? Why spend all that effort if you are not sure people want to read it? Why push on when you get "rejection letters" to your manuscript? Why would someone like me, trained in Information Technology, who hates romance books yet I write about love, heartaches, human struggles and finding one's place in the world?

Because writing is the ONLY thing I KNOW.

Take away everything from me, all my skills, all my academic training, everything and strip me to my core - writing is still there. I'm a story-teller and writing is the tool I use to tell my story. This is where my passion springs from - the knowledge that I know nothing else except writing.

If you 'feel' the passion running away, take time off to ask yourself why you are doing it. What are your motivations?

Another thing, you can do is to simply find passionate writers and sit with them. Have a cup of tea, talk about writing and read each other's work. Writers just need to be heard even if only one person reads their work, they are elated. After pouring out so much from your emotional tank into your writing, you'll need to fill it up that tank again. Pass the Passion and absorb the Passion.

I found my muse in someone who took the time to read my work and tell me it was great. I've always wanted to write but I never had the courage to pursue it. In my mind, I thought it was merely a little hobby I just fiddled with in my spare time but then I met people who looked at my writing and told me there was something there. They enjoyed my thoughts, tit-bits of conventional wisdom that seemed to connect with them. I had an audience willing to hear what I had to say. My Passion for writing was ignited by encouragement from readers and then the Passion found focus when I met my muse and my writings were motivated by the pure essence of friendship and love. So my Passion was focused on writing about the pain and joys of love.

My Passion was ignited and focused.

Herein lies the key, we all have passion but it needs encouragement and focus. No matter what style you write in, whether it is depressing or uplifting, focusing your Passion will drive you on. If you find yourself 'lost' then take time to find your focus. Maybe it is time for you to find a new focus? Maybe it's time to try a new style? Maybe it's time to take a risk and write a full novel? Why not?

Passion never 'runs away'. It's still there. It just needs to be ignited and focused and before I forget, writers write with their emotions strapped to their foreheads. But I'll keep that for another post.

To Vroom, keep writing. To get yourself out of that rut...pass your writing to someone to read. In his book On Writing, Stephen King tells us that he writes in order to make his wife laugh. What about you? Vroom, will your poems make someone cry because they understand the pain you write about? If they do cry, then you've managed to pass your passion onto to another soul via your writing.

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